From Bad to Worse

After being informed there was no news again Monday morning because Snow (supposedly) called the CCCWA and all the directors were in a meeting all day (how convenient).  We were given the same canned answer from Kim (sure, sure, I definitely understand, blah, blah, blah).  It weighed on me so heavily I couldn't do anything but sleep, my body physically could not get up and do anything.  The phrase "weight of the world on your shoulders" applied for sure.  So, during the conversation, Tim asked for a copy of the support letters that have (supposedly) been sent to the CCCWA on our behalf.  Kim said "sure, sure, she could definitely send those".  So we waited and waited and no email all day.  GW closes at 4:30, so when that time came and went, we knew she wasn't sending the letters.  Then lo and behold after dinner, Tim checked his email and there was one that was sent at 5:00 from GW.  We proceeded to read the first letter that had the subject line "Tucker family withdrawal letter".  The entire letter was sent to inform the CCCWA that we wished to withdraw Chang Yi Dong's referral because of his medical condition.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????  This was dated August 20th, which was our Gotcha Day.  Never ever ever did we say anything that day or any other about wanting to give up on him.  It all started to make sense why we can't get information... the orphanage, Chinese officials and who knows who else think that we don't want him.  I am so mad at GW, so hurt by their actions, so confused about what they are thinking.  They lie.  Not just once our twice but multiple times throughout this process.  It's no wonder they made us go home.  They apparently wanted it to seem like we made the decision not to proceed with the adoption so their hands are clean.  They are the only people who can advocate for us with the Chinese officials, so pretty much we have nobody.  We are desperate for help and answers and all we get is lies.  I called the emergency number and tried to talk to Kim about it.  She had the nerve to tell me that I was misinterpreting that letter.  She claims the CCCWA knows we want him.  I read her parts of the letter that clearly states the Tucker family has decided to withdraw from the adoption of Chang Yi Dong.  How else can that be interpreted?  She refused to listen to anything I had to say.  Obviously they are trained to just keep reading their canned answer and keep talking over people.  She literally would not shut up.  I tried to interupt and ask questions and talk and she would not stop repeating the catch phrases she has been trained to use.  I lost it and yelled at her to shut up and said a few other choice words and threw the phone to Tim.  She hung up so Tim called her back and it was the same crap.  I went to Ethan's room and cried.  I feel like I am never going to get out of this nightmare.  The lies and deception have completely ruined our chances of ever adopting Ethan.  And forget about getting a referral for Reese, there is no way that is going to happen now.  We are dealing with corruption from all sides.  It's a good thing Austin, TX is so far away or GW would be getting a visitor.  I cannot believe an agency who used to be so respected is so full of incompetence now.  We are demanding to talk to Snow Wu.  If she has any sort of compassion or integrity she will help us.  But I am not holding my breath.  She had written a letter, dated the 24th (so China wouldn't have seen it until Monday) stating to the CCCWA exactly what our family's desire was.  This is the letter that should have been written at the beginning.  It probably wasn't even sent because Leigh Ann (who by the way, we have NEVER even talked to about this) already wrote the withdrawal letter.  Here's where we stand now, we will be at least $16,000 in debt with no child.  Our family has sacrificed and planned and looked so forward to loving this little boy.  We had dreams for him.  He is not just a number to us or a statistic to us.  He is Ethan Thomas Tucker and he is half way around the world alone and sick.  He will never know how much we love him, how many people rallied together to bring him home, or how the devil ruined it.

I know there are a lot of people following our story and I wish I could post the happily ever after version.  I have not lost faith that God is with us and He has a plan.  I know that He understands my heart and my hurt and He will comfort me.  What would I do without a Savior?